yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
