He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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