If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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