If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
