Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
