from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
