You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
