booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
