and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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