Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
