eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
