Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
