i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
