so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
