ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
