This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
