I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
