I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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