I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
