Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
