There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
