I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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