Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the day after is always just damage control
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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