Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
