if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize