I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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