There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
