so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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