I think i peed on brittanys purse
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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