I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
