Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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