Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
