i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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