Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
