The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
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