your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
