I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
