I just found puke in my bra..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
