im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
