I think I am morally bankrupt
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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