Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
