I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
