I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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