Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
