You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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