Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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