apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he shaved USA in his pubs
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
