Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
