She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
