You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
