I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
